For 12 years, every last Monday in September, I led a freshman parent meeting alongside my Dean of Instruction and Lead Counselor. We covered everything essential for both new and seasoned 9th-grade parents. As we wrapped up, I’d assign the parents homework. Specifically, they had to go home and ask their freshman this question: “If you were in a jam; if you were in a tough spot and needed help, who is the person on campus that you would go to?”

My point was that everyone on campus needed someone they felt they could go to. I didn’t care who it was; I only cared that they identified and said out loud who that person would be. It matters to say it out loud.

I recently listened to a Simon Sinek podcast How To Be A Friend with Chef Christina Tosi and I hope you’ll give it a listen. In particular, I was inspired by a few notions and found them relevant to so many relationships we have.

First, they explore the profound sense of honor that defines deep friendships. This isn’t just about the friends we’ve had since we were kids or the ones we share our workdays with; it’s also about those special ones who defy any easy label. The two of them then really dig into what it means to “sit in the mud together”—to share in each other’s struggles, ensuring that no one feels alone.

Additionally, I was also struck by the brainstorming they shared regarding openness and vulnerability in friendships. They argue that withholding our troubles from our friends, and denying them the chance to offer support, is more than just keeping to ourselves—it’s actually a form of disrespect. It’s a thought-provoking take that suggests staying silent and isolated might even be selfish. This perspective offers a fresh angle on the importance of vulnerability & mutual support in friendships. Something to chew on.

The second idea is the notion of 8 minutes. The podcast shares the research around the support one person can share with another. And it says that being present with another person for eight minutes can be all that is needed to help that person move forward. The problem may not be solved and more may be needed, yet it’s the idea that a mere eight minutes is sometimes all anyone needs. The podcast then shares Simon’s practice of reaching out to friends with a text simply asking, “You got 8 minutes?” From that brief exchange, action is merited, a connection is made, and the value of friendship is reinforced.

My challenge for you is to take time and identify who those 8-minute friends are. Then you must let them know the important role they play in your life. By acknowledging and including these friends, we not only show respect but also contribute to a sense of empowerment and companionship, potentially reducing feelings of loneliness and isolation for so many.